Have I Ever Mentioned?
by gods-property
Summary: Just a little one-shot I wrote because I watched Doomsday last night and... it hurt. Angst, but fluffy ending. Rose X Ten. Suicide attempt warning. Please read it cuz I don't know what else to say...


Rose Tyler sat in her living room, absently typing on her laptop. Her job working at the new, people-based Torchwood was time-consuming and hardwork, but not enough to distract her totally. As she typed up her report for the most recent alien sighting, a creature that could control anything electrical, her mind unwillingly wandered… to an odd blue box and a mad man inside. She smiled to herself, remembering their times together. Her smile slowly started to fade and she ran her hands through her hair with a sigh. She squinted at her screen and read back over what she had already written. "Alien danger: mediocre. Abilities: Controlling electronics to attack humans or receive top-secret information. Large and slow, easy to take down. Torchwood agents allons-y took down the alien in under…" Rose huffed and backspaced over "allons-y". "…under an hour. No real threat brilliant! to citizens…" With another groan she deleted "brilliant".

Skimming through the rest of her report, she realized she had sub-consciously included about ten mistakes, each relating to The Doctor… her Doctor. She slammed her computer shut and bit her finger as the tears threatened to spill forth again. She sniffled and pulled herself out of the chair she was sitting in to go make tea.

Why had she ever gotten herself mixed up with him? All it had caused her was pain and remorse. She couldn't go a day without thinking about him. She missed him. Every inch of him. She missed his hugs that would make her feel so safe and so loved. She missed his little quirks and his mannerisms. She missed his smile and his eyes and his hair that always so magically looked amazing, even messed up. She missed his cool and cocky way of doing things, as if nothing could ever go wrong.

She clenched the side of the counter and slammed the teapot down. "But something did go wrong." she hissed. Tears slid down her face and fell into the water in her mug. "Everything went wrong!" she sobbed. She turned around and slid down the counter, pulling her legs up to her chest and burying her face in her hands. "You left. You left me! You promised!" she shook her head and hiccupped a deep breathe. "Where are you?!" she screamed, throwing her head back and glaring at the ceiling. "You-You promised you'd always b-be there!" she sobbed. "WHERE ARE YOU, DOCTOR? WHERE?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, not caring who heard.

She laid her head back against the counter and cried, tears pouring down her face. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore and then kept crying. She cursed him silently. Cursed him and his stupid blue box and his stupid way of making her fall in love with him. She cried until she was too exhausted to cry anymore, but still the tears found their way down her face, soaking her shirt. She sat there, completely silent and still as they trickled out of her eyes, feeling as if every tear was just another part of him getting farther and farther away from her.

She begged for sleep to take her. Begged the universe. Begged God. Begged him. And she kept begging, and begging, until finally her eyelids got heavy and she slowly slipped into the bliss of unconsciousness.

Rose jerked awake. It was nighttime now, and she still sat in her kitchen. She cringed as she moved; stiff from the position she had been in. Her face felt puffy and when she touched her cheeks she felt the dried salt from her tears still on her face. She sniffled again and stood up slowly.

She didn't know what had woken her up but she was used to this by now. For the past few years this was something that happened regularly, crying herself to sleep. Every time she hoped that she would wake up and he would be standing over her with his smile, offering her his hand, and telling her everything was all right. It had all just been a dream. But every time she woke up to the same feeling of empty nothingness. She was alone. And she was always going to be alone. It was time she accepted that.

She squared her shoulders and bit her lip as she tried in vain to make the tea she had started so many hours ago. _Tea had been the thing that had woken him up…_ she thought drearily. She glared at the teapot, as if it was the reason behind him leaving and slammed down her mug. She stomped out of her kitchen, refusing to let the accursed tears slip from her eyes again, and grabbed her coat, heading for her door.

She wandered the streets for a while and slowly drifted towards the beach she lived near. It was the same beach she had said her goodbyes to him. Every time she saw it, knives stabbed into her heart, but she couldn't stay away. It was one of her only memories of him that was physical, that told her that it hadn't all just been some crazy dream. The pain she got from seeing the beach, she knew, couldn't be made up. She needed that pain; craved it. Because through it, she felt connected to him, even if only by a tiny shred.

She walked out onto the beach, taking off her shoes and shivering a bit. It was Christmas Eve and the memory of him hurt even more tonight. If only she had known, three years ago, that she had precious little left with the new doctor, she would have treasured every minute of him.

She walked to the edge of the water and stared at it. Maybe she should just keep walking until she drowned or died of hyperthermia. She would be free of him. She would be gone. It wasn't like she had anything here she needed to stay for. Jackie, Pete, and Mickey, the only people who understood even a shred of her pain, had long since given up on her rambling about how much she missed him. She hadn't even talked to them for three months. They would be sad, sure, if she left, but they would get over it.

She steeled her nerves and removed her jacket, gasping as the cold air hit her thin sweater. She was done with the pain. She was done waiting for him.

She threw her jacket and shoes away, feeling for once at peace. No longer would she have to slave under the burden of The Doctor. No longer would she wonder where he and the TARDIS were. She could finally be free.

She toed the edge of the water, cringing as it brushed against her toes. It was _cold._ With a deep breath, she took a step into it, welcoming the pain that laced up her legs as she did. She kept walking until she got knee-deep and then she paused, her face frozen in a sob. It hurt. Not the cold. The memory. It was as if the farther in she walked, the more real he became. She felt like if she only turned around…

"You'll catch cold doing that."

Every inch of her, right down to her heart froze. It couldn't be. This was just her consciousness trying to get her to stop this. He wasn't there. He'd told her it would be impossible for him ever to see her again.

"You can't stop me. I'm done hurting." Rose shouted.

"Rose, I'm here. You don't have to hurt anymore." His voice sounded like velvet, cool and calm; the total opposite of how she felt at the moment.  
"You're not real! You can't be real. You said you'd never—" she hiccupped. "never come back."

"Well… I did. And I'm here. Turn around Rose, please."

Rose took a shaky breath. "I won't! You're not real. You're just trying to stop me, and you won't succeed." She plowed on through the water, ignoring the cold as the water splashed against her torso.

She heard a curse behind her and a splash. "Blimey that's cold!" he hissed. She heard the unmistakable sound of him sloshing through the water towards her. _No._ she thought desperately. _I won't be hurt anymore. _"Oo! Ah! Ee! COLD!" she heard him exclaiming as he ran towards her. Her legs were frozen. She couldn't go any faster. She felt the waves from him lapping against her back.

And then…

Her whole world stopped…

She felt a hand… slip into hers.

Time stopped.

The water disappeared.

Everything stood still.

She heard him panting behind her.

"Rose…" he whispered. And she lost it. She turned around and buried her face against his chest, crying against him. He sighed and his arms wrapped around her.

And she was safe.

She wasn't aware they were moving but suddenly they were standing on the shore of the beach and her coat was around her shoulders. She burrowed into it, now aware of how cold she was. And his arms were around her again and she pressed herself as close as she could into him.

"You didn't think I'd let you get away that easily, did you?" his voice rumbled through her head, soothing her. She chuckled a little.

"I missed you." She whispered, pouring all of her emotions into those three words so he'd understand.

He chuckled. "I kind of gathered that."

She laughed. She genuinely laughed, something she hadn't done in three years. It felt good. She felt herself get… lighter, as if she had been full of darkness for the past three years.

She opened her eyes and squealed when she saw the TARDIS. She broke free of his hug and ran towards the blue box, her face full of joy. She latched onto it and hugged it like an old friend when she reached it. She grinned and kissed the old wood panels.

The Doctor stood off to the side, his hands in his pockets and a broad smile on his face. His smile. Oh how she'd missed it. It was exactly the same, except for one tiny detail. It held love. His smile shone with love as he looked at her.

"Oh, I see. The TARDIS gets a kiss but I don't. I see how it is."

Rose laughed and jumped into his open arms, smiling at him. "All you had to do was ask." And she kissed him.

It was so perfect, his kiss. All the sadness she had felt for the past years just washed away with the tide lapping at their feet. She couldn't explain it, how a simple display of affection such as this could affect her so much… but it did and she was happy. She was genuinely happy.

He smiled at her with love again when they broke. She felt like she was on fire. "Have I ever mentioned, Rose Tyler," he kissed her forehead, "that I love you?"

Rose was back. She'd been gone for years, a different person living in her body. But now, with those three words she had dreamed about, The Doctor had fixed her. Nothing mattered now. He was here. He'd protect her. She was his and he was hers. And that was all that mattered. She kissed him.

The sun rose over the sea and Rose Tyler was free.


End file.
